Friday, December 19, 2008

A Scathing Review

I honestly didn't have any idea what to write about my blog, but then Mom suggested I review a movie I saw recently that I....didn't exactly like. More like disliked intensely.
This will be a first, considering most of the reviews I post on my blog are positive, so bear with me.
Lady Jane
To clarify....I only wanted to see this movie because it had Cary Elwes in it. (yeah, yeah, you can call me a Princess Bride freak if it makes you happy) It also had Helena Bonham Carter, who I consider to be a fine actress. Not one of my favorites, mind you, but a good actress nonetheless. Things got even better when I found out Patrick Stewart was in the movie too. (again, call me a mindless Star Trek: TNG geek)
(by the way, this is a ranting review, so if you actually want to see this movie without knowing spoilers, skip this review)

Jady Lane in a nutshell:
Henry VII dies. Edward his son is king.
Jane (HBC) likes Edward, but Lord Whats-His-Ears convinces Jane's mom to have her marry HIS son because Edward is dying.
Jane and Guilford (CE) marry. At first they establish this is a marriage of convenience, but then, (who would have seen this coming? *heavy sarcasm*) they actually fall in love!
Edward dies and leaves a will saying Jane is queen instead of his sister Mary.
Jane is reluctantly made queen. She and Guilford make reform-ish laws. (for the good of the people, darling!! sorry, I'm in a very obnoxious mood right now)
Mary doesn't want to give up her throne and takes back over.
Jane and Guilford are beheaded for treason. (oh, I'm sorry! AFTER someone tried to convert them to Catholicism.)
The End....
What the bloody Spanish Inquisition was that??? They're beheaded and that's it?! Ok, yes, it's based on real history, but they could've come up with some other way to make it better. Not lofty eternity Plato quotes to rectify the situation, because the situation was NOT rectified in my opinion. The situation left me feeling mad, pitiful, stupid, annoyed, and more. rectify the situation on my own, I'm watching the Princess Bride as soon as I can. Because that movie has a REAL romance and a REAL ending. Let's compare the endings of the two, shall we?
Lady Jane ending(after they're both beheaded): *swelling music as background to lofty clouds* "The soul takes flight to the world that is invisible. At there arriving, she is assured of bliss, and forever dwells in paradise."

Princess Bride ending:
Grandpa: As as they reached for each other....
Grandson: What? What?
Grandpa: Ah, it's kissing again, you don't want to hear that.
Grandson: I don't mind so much.
Grandpa: Ah, ok. Since the invention of the kiss there have been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left them all behind. The End.
Grandson: Grandpa, maybe you could come over and read it again to me tomorrow.
Grandpa: As you wish.

THERE'S an ending.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to clear my system of that movie and watch the Princess Bride.

8 musings:

piningforthefjords said...

As you wish...

Princess Jasmine Geo said...

Sooo... what movie was it?

Lady Brainsample said...

Piningforthefjords: That is just about the best line in the Princess Bride...

Jas: I said the title multiple times: Lady Jane....yeah, as in Jane Grey, I believe.

Princess Jasmine Geo said...

Whatever it sounds like a stupid movie that I would never see.

Lady Brainsample said...

Jas: Exactly. That's why I said my review was scathing.

JKS said...

Sounds like you really hate i can pretty much gaurentee i've seen worst doesn't sound as bad as others i've seen.
hope you have a merry Christmas.

Edge said...

My mom and sis watched it a few days ago. And seriously, as history records, they do NOT fall in love. Oh, Hollywood...

Lady Brainsample said...

JKS: Yes, I did hate it. And what do you think would be worse than this? I'm curious now.

Edge: I know! Like Pocahantas and the whole John Smith vs. Rolfe thing.